Sometimes you find wisdom in surprising places.

I suspect that most relationships begin on false pretenses; when we court, we put on our best face; it is only as you (very slowly) come to trust the other person that you let them see your weaker sides. And, while you’re hiding behind your mask, the other person is projecting their vision of the opposite sex, their hopes and fantasies upon your actions. And so not only are you putting on your best face, the way that the object of your affection interprets your actions is skewed by their own hopes and dreams.

But an actual relationship can’t be conducted from behind masks; you have to connect as your true selves, or the pairing is doomed. When Gotye sings that he “Felt lonely in your company”, and when Kimbra sings about how she had to read into every word he says, both are revealing that the connection was never made. The point where the people in a relationship can no longer hide behind masks is a difficult one, and plenty relationships die at that point; you either accept each other with your myriad imperfections, or the relationship expires.

And so I suspect that what is really making Gotye’s male character so anguished on ‘Somebody That I Used To Know’ is not the fact that his paramour cut off all contact with him; it’s simply that — like he says in ‘Hearts A Mess’ — he’s desperate to connect. He’s not especially sad that this particular relationship didn’t work out. Rather, he’s frustrated at his own flaws. And how they’ve stopped this one (and others, as Kimbra’s last line may allude to) from working out.

At some point, something in life is going to eat you inside. It could be anger, it could be guilt, it could be past hurts or some other strain of soul eating bacteria. But graduates, I want you to know that if you can summon courage in the face of your own life’s hardships, and if you can remember that you’re no good to anyone if you’re miserable, I know for sure you’ll be a huge success, because you are responsible for your happiness and you are responsible for the energy you bring to everything.

How often, you wonder, has the direction of your life been shaped by such misunderstandings? How many opportunities have you been denied—or, for that matter, awarded—because someone failed to see you properly? How many friends have you lost, how many have you gained, because they glimpsed some element of your personality that shone through for only an instant, and in circumstances you could never reproduce? An illusion of water shimmering at the far bend of a highway.

I used to think I knew everything. I was a “smart person” who “got things done,” and because of that, the higher I climbed, the more I could look down and scoff at what seemed silly or simple, even religion. But I realized something as I drove home that night: that I am neither better nor smarter, only luckier. And I should be ashamed of thinking I knew everything, because you can know the whole world and still feel lost in it. So many people are in pain-no matter how smart or accomplished-they cry, they yearn, they hurt.But instead of looking down on things, they look up, which is where I should have been looking, too. Because when the world quiets to the sound of your own breathing, we all want the same things:comfort, love, and a peaceful heart.